From Villain to Guide: Reframing How You See Yourself in Your Story

If you missed last week’s post on rewriting the ‘shoulds,’ you can read it here →.

Have you ever noticed how, in the middle of grief or betrayal, it’s easy to cast yourself as the villain in your own story?

If only I’d done more… If only I’d seen it coming… If only I’d been stronger, wiser, better…

Those “if onlys” can turn into harsh self-blame. And before long, the story you’re telling isn’t about the loss or the circumstances—it’s about your supposed failure.

But here’s the truth: you are not the villain in your story.

Why We Cast Ourselves as the Villain

Self-blame is a way our brain tries to find control. If we caused it, then maybe we could have prevented it—and that feels safer than admitting life can be unbearably unfair. But carrying that blame long-term erodes our self-trust and keeps us stuck.

Choosing a New Role

What if, instead of the villain, you stepped into the role of guide?

A guide isn’t perfect. They’ve been through hardship, mistakes, loss. But precisely because of those experiences, they carry wisdom forward—not just for others, but for themselves.

Reframing your role from villain to guide allows you to reclaim your voice, your dignity, and your future.

Try This Today

Write down one painful moment from your recent story where you felt like the “villain.” Then, rewrite that same moment through the lens of being a guide. Ask yourself: What do I now know because I went through this? How can I carry that forward as strength, not shame?

Notice the shift in tone—it’s subtle, but powerful.

✨ Want to go deeper?
Inside the Pathfinder and Inner Circle memberships, this month’s masterclass You Are the Storyteller Now: The Power of Narrative in Healing walks you through practical ways to reclaim your identity after loss or betrayal. And in our 30-day challenge, members are practicing this exact theme—moving from self-blame into self-trust.

If you’re not quite ready for membership, you can still take the first step by joining the Midlife Surprise Society, our free community for midlife women navigating unexpected change. It’s a safe, supportive place to begin sharing your story and reconnecting with yourself.

In my next post, we’ll look at what it means to reclaim yourself in your story. Continue reading →