The Myth of Having It Together by Now(Or… Where Did I Put It?)
Somewhere back in my 30s, between chasing toddlers and chasing deadlines, I quietly believed in a myth:
That by this age, I’d have it all together.
I pictured calm mornings, a peaceful home, meaningful work with healthy boundaries, and maybe even the wisdom to wear linen without looking wrinkled and overwhelmed.
But here I am.
And some days, I can’t remember what I walked into the room for—let alone where I left my “together.”
I thought this age would feel easier.
The kids are grown, after all.
But now?
My parents are aging and need more care
My kids are having kids
And for some of us... the partnership we once thought would anchor us for life has changed—or ended
Grief is here.
Sometimes it’s loud. Sometimes it’s quiet. But it’s here.
And no one ever told us that this would be the season where we’d be holding so much.
💭 Weren’t Things Supposed to Be Easier by Now?
We were sold a story:
Do the hard work early. Raise the babies. Build the career. Love the partner. Keep the household afloat... and one day, it’ll all settle into place.
But midlife doesn’t always settle—it stirs.
We grieve people we’ve lost.
We grieve relationships that no longer feel like home.
We grieve the version of ourselves who used to know exactly what she wanted.
And often, we don’t even realize it’s grief. We call it “burnout” or “moodiness” or “just a phase.”
But underneath it? It’s grief—and it deserves space.
🧭 What If Midlife Isn’t About Settling In, But Waking Up?
Maybe this chapter isn’t about finally having it all together.
Maybe it’s about giving yourself permission to unravel what no longer fits—and grieve what never returned.
Yes, it can feel terrifying to step into life alone after decades of partnership.
Yes, it can feel vulnerable to admit that you want something more or different—even if everything looks fine on paper.
But what if this is your soul tapping you on the shoulder saying:
“You’re not done becoming.”
🛠️ Coaching Questions for the "Grief and Growth" Years
If you’re walking through grief—whether it’s from loss of a partner, the quiet ache of anticipatory grief as a beloved role ends, or simply the awareness that your old life no longer fits—you’re not alone.
Here are a few gentle prompts to explore:
What am I holding onto because it used to define me—even though it no longer fits?
What loss am I grieving that I haven’t fully named yet?
What would giving myself permission to want again look like?
How might I honor what I’ve lost and be curious about what’s next?
🌱 Maybe “Together” Was Never the Point
What if our real strength isn’t in holding it all together—but in being honest about what’s falling apart?
What if becoming in midlife means finally admitting, “I’m still figuring it out. And that’s okay.”
Because the truth is—you’re not behind. You’re simply in transition.
You’re evolving.
And if there’s grief in that evolution, it doesn’t mean you’re broken.
It means you’re human.
💬 Want Help Navigating What’s Next?
If you’re standing in that tender in-between—mourning what’s been lost and unsure what’s coming next—I’d love to walk beside you.
I offer free 45-minute Breakthrough Sessions where we gently explore what you’re feeling, what you’re holding, and how to begin again—at your own pace.
📅 Schedule your session here:
👉 https://inperspectivelifecoaching.click/breakthroughbooking
You don’t have to have it all together.
You just have to be willing to start again—with softness, with truth, and maybe even with a little bit of humor.
You’re not lost.
You’re becoming—still. And beautifully so. 💙
