🌺 When Gratitude Feels Hard — Honoring the ‘Both/And’ of Grief and Grace

I just returned from Mexico City, where I had the privilege of experiencing Día de los Muertos — the Day of the Dead.

It wasn’t what I expected.

I anticipated something solemn, maybe even sad. But instead, I found myself surrounded by vibrant color, music, and celebration. Streets lined with marigolds, candles flickering in courtyards, and laughter echoing through the night air.

It’s a holiday that doesn’t turn away from grief — it embraces it.

Our group joined in the tradition and painted our faces as calaveras — sugar skulls. As I looked around, seeing my friends’ faces transformed into these intricate, beautiful masks, I realized this wasn’t about disguising ourselves. It was about revealing something deeper: the truth that death and life, grief and joy, are all part of the same story.

All around us, families gathered at altars built for their loved ones. I watched one woman smile through tears as her granddaughter placed a photo beside a glass of tequila — her husband’s favorite. The air smelled of copal and roasted corn; the night pulsed with music and devotion.

And I thought — this is what gratitude looks like when it’s honest.

Not gratitude that ignores the ache, but gratitude that holds the ache gently. Gratitude that says, I miss you, and I’m still here.

For a long time, I thought gratitude and grief couldn’t coexist. I believed I had to choose — either I was grateful and “moving on,” or I was grieving and “stuck.” But that’s not how healing works.

Healing says:
You can be grateful for what remains and heartbroken for what’s gone.
You can laugh through tears.
You can celebrate life while honoring loss.

That’s the both/and of healing — the grace that allows love to keep evolving, even after goodbye.

So if gratitude feels hard right now, let it. There’s no rush to “feel better.” Gratitude that coexists with grief is not fragile; it’s real.

Maybe today, instead of asking, “What am I grateful for?” — ask, “What am I holding with love?”

It might be a memory, a lesson, a hope, or even the courage to keep showing up.

Because gratitude doesn’t erase grief — it expands your heart to hold both.

If you’d like more guidance and support in navigating these tender “both/and” moments, I invite you to explore the Pathfinder and Inner Circle memberships inside The Midlife Surprise Society. These spaces offer guided tools, reflections, and a supportive circle of women walking this same path — rediscovering grace, gratitude, and strength after loss. 💛

— Christine